A Doula's Delicate Dance For Her Sisters

As a doula and childbirth educator I always feel like I want to separate myself from my family and friends who become pregnant.  I want to let them find their own way, wait to see if they come to me for any advice...and if they do, try to ask questions instead of give answers.  I want women to find their own answers, not take mine.
It's a delicate dance, and more and more I'm finding that maybe I do need to use stronger encouragement to promote natural childbirth and the midwifery model of care.  Maybe I do need ask the hard questions, dig deep into the fears of my sisters...maybe I'll regret being delicate when my sister and friend asks me...
"How do I let go of not having the birth I wanted? I watched the end of "a baby story" today and the woman had her perfect natural birth and I cried. I cant believe it still makes me sad when I have such a gorgeous little baby. I feel ungrateful when I feel sad because my baby's here and really in the end that's really what counts."
So I responded...
You ask a deep deep question...lots of women ask it.  I'm not sure what the right answer is because it's a very personal question.  For me, I wrote my birth story.  Man did that ever reveal a lot about how I really felt.  Things I didn't realize I was holding onto so harshly.  Then I wrote a letter to my doctor.  She never did understand where I was coming from, but at least I did, and I was able to forgive her and move on.  The other part of my healing is supporting other women through the maze that is pregnancy and childbirth. 
What I've discovered is that birth matters. I also know that the medical model of care has become so prominent that the CULTURE of birth has actually shifted.  The shift from freedom to fear, and the goal of all my birth work is to shift it back!  Back to a culture of  free birth where women are not scared, and we put ourselves at the centre of our birth.  If we put our self first, mother nature will follow. We are designed to protect our babies.  Birth rarely makes mistakes...disturbed birth ...well that's a different story.
My  email signature  is " I believe a woman's experience at birth lays the foundation for her journey tthrough motherhood"  It means when a baby is born, so is a mother...and she needs a lot of strength and support to be a mother....yes the healthy baby is important, but not more important than a healthy mother.  We are equal...equal because the mother conceives, grows, nourishes, gives birth to, feeds and protects the healthy baby. These important  roles can be accomplished best by a healthy mother.
Subconsciously our  birth experiences play a huge role on our mental health....that's the "foundation".  Our birth is the beginning...the start of mothering our babies earth side.  All women want it to be perfect, the subconscious mind wants achievement.  Women WANT to bring their babies into the world as peacefully as possible... it's our nature...in our veins...in our soul...our innate wisdom. We just know we'll do anything to let our babies be born in the way they need to be born.  But we live in a culture that doesn't trust us to do the job...the entire system is trying to rescue us from our births! We don't need to be rescued! We need to be believed in! Then after we've been rescued and we're confused the subconscious is not confused, the subconscious did not get achievement, the subconscious got failure.  So we are confused because we are suppose to feel blessed, and happy all the time because we have our healthy baby in our arms, but something is wrong????
Maybe, all you need is a friend who loves you deeply to say...you didn't fail. 

And maybe all I need is the strength to talk about my beliefs with the women in my life who I love before their birth...they're my beliefs and I can share them without the presumption that I want others to believe them too.  It may mean a few less confused mothers...

There's still *womb to grow*...

I do believe it's time for an update...I have been on quite the journey and this post is dedicated to taking you on the ride!
Spring 2011...I closed up shop! It was such a bummer. I was overwhelmed with feelings of disappointment, fear, failure, excitement, joy and confusion.  I spoke about this with only my man and my sisters, and when aquaintances asked me about it I would always say "It's bitter sweet." That summed up the situation perfectly.
I fell in love with being a doula all over again this spring, after attending a long but beautiful, undisturbed birth at the Fernie hospital.  I have been inspired ever since to grow my doula business and prenatal classes.

Summer 2011...Study, study, study.  This summer I took two midwifery courses with Gloria Lemay on WizIQ which I should mention is a fabulous forum for online education! I also took Karen Brody's Birth Facilitator Training Program FEARtoFREEDOM.  I hosted a free Mother-Centered Birth workshop at Essential Yoga Studio as part of the certification process. After reading the comments on the participant evaluation forms I stand firmly behind the fact that we need to change the culture of birth.  FEARtoFREEDOM is the future!

Autum 2011...Autum is like a second spring~each leaf is a flower. I don't know who wrote that, but I'm quoting my favourite yoga instructor Shona.  She always ends each class with a beautiful quote to take into the day. I was introduced to her class by participating in the 30 Day Challenge.  Shona teaches yoga for alignment.  Her class has you giving and receiving love, opening your heart & soul until you're sweating and you don't even know why because you just feel so good and wide open!  I won't write too much about the challenge because I'll be blogging about it on Authentic Mama, essentially *no pun intended* it was 30days of  yoga in 40 days time.

In September I attended another inspiring birth at the Fernie hospital. I witnessed a woman fully supported by her amazing birth team. She didn't end up with the birth she had wanted, but her experience was that of a respected, loved, and worthy woman and that made all the difference.

At the end of October I screened a film at the Arts Station for New Moon Movie Night.  If  you don't know the history of women gathering at the new moon I highly recommend that you read The Red Tent.  You may also want to attend this month's film on New Moon Movie Night November 23rd.

A New Branch...whenever I start a new birth junkie project I say "I've grown a new branch" It works well with my business name Womb To Grow.  Also, there is the connection with the business branch. Mostly though I like to visualize one of my favourite meditations. Give it a try...

Find solitude, a comfortable sitting position on the floor and place your hands palms down on the floor next to your hips. Close your eyes and connect to your breath. Inhale slowly into your nose, and exhale slowly out your nose. Continue breathing this way until you feel relaxed. Now visualize your energy, your life force flowing through your body from the base of your spine up through the crown of your head and back down again with each breath you take. This energy flows right out through your palms into the ground rooting with mother nature the divine earth and draws strength from her as your energy's join and travel the length of your spine together. Now when that energy reaches your crown it sends a beautiful vibration of branches, nerves, and positivity high into the sky! Then like the canopy of a willow tree it flows back to earth connecting the cycle. Receive this energy with every inhale and send your love and life force energy down with each exhale...

Another branch is growing...Under The Moon Fernie & Area is my newest adventure! I am so excited to have another excuse to gather with women and discuss all things motherhood... 

Finally! Home Parties for mamas! Under the Moon has the freshest gear for the hippest mamas AND gives you the opportunity to get your gals together to shop from your party! You'll be the hostess with the most~ess when your friends see Under the Moon's catalogue of items, and you have the opportunity to score some great deals by throwing a party! 

 underthemoon@wombtogrowinfernie.com

 

Winter?? Don't rush me!  I'm starting to get excited about the epic Fernie powder, but as far as I'm concerned winter begins at the solstice! I'll be hosting parties, teaching prenatal & FEARtoFREEDOM, screening films, attending births and studying midwifery...keep in touch!

May is...

May is International Doula month... Have you hired a doula?
I could write about all the amazing experiences, relationships and opportunities being a doula has provided me...but there is something on my mind that is bigger than all of that.
I've been thinking about my role in the birth room.  I have many ideas about the paradigm shift that needs to happen in order for women to take back their births (this implying that their power is being taken away) but what I have come to discover is that no shift is going to happen until women ACKNOWLEDGE that current birth trends aren't acceptable.
As a doula I can choose to highlight all the unnecessary interventions, the increasing c-section rate, the lack of women centred support, OR I can analyze MY role, think about what I am doing to make woman centred care a reality for each of my clients.  If you hire a doula what are your expectations of her?  Do you think hiring a doula will lead to an empowered birth experience?  Do you think hiring a doula will prevent you from experiencing birth trauma?  Do you think hiring a doula will keep you out of the OR?  I'm sorry to say, if you answered yes to any of these questions you have unrealistic expectations of the role of a doula.  No doula can promise any of these things...what I can promise is that I will never doubt your capability, I will support you and your partner through the highs and lows of labour in a way that keeps you at the centre of your birth.  I will whisper words of encouragement at just the right moment...and I'll know when that is just by looking into your eyes and remembering what it feels like to be in your shoes.  My doula work isn't about giving you or promising you anything but understanding &love.  It's all a doula needs in her birth bag.
So who do you hire to meet these expectations?  Women of  Earth hear my words singing from the mountain tops of the Elk Valley...YOU HIRE YOURSELF!  There is a powerful candidate ready, willing and waiting to shine, you have to trust her to do the job.  You can doubt her occasionally, but the majority of the time you have to believe she will succeed.  The only person who can claim responsibility for woman centred birth is you.  It's your birth...own it.
www.feartofreedombirth.com

May is many other things too.

On the 5th of May from the comfort of my bed I celebrated International Day of the Midwife while fighting the symptoms of strep throat...now that's a bug!

I had big dreams of taking my boys to Cranbrook to celebrate.  The East Kootenay Midwives were celebrating the day by hosting a 5km Walk to Durban. 'Midwives walking together to save lives'  The walk was to raise awareness regarding maternal and newborn health, a topic that will no doubt be prevalent at the International Confederation of Midwives 29th triennial congress in Durban South Africa.

My vision was to make big signs for my sons to carry high above their heads:

I wanted to be there...but instead I was in bed feeling sorry for myself.  I was there, marching alongside my midwives, in spirit.  But...the reality is I celebrate midwifery everyday.  Whenever I have the opportunity I ask women if they have a midwife...and a doula! In my rural BC town there is a big problem with our maternity services.  It's not a people problem, I am confident in the women who catch babies in Fernie...it's more a 'system' problem.  The way I see it Interior Health doesn't understand the impact that having no other choice but to leave your community to give birth has on the mental health of an expectant mother!  Dare I mention the impact on the birth process itself?  With the Operating Room at Elk Valley Hospital closed every other weekend AND an entire month over the summer I think it's fair to say you have a thirty percent chance of making the trip to Cranbrook to have your baby.  Cranbrook...an amazing facility with no continuity of care except the chart your physician has noted your medical history, and hopefully a few of the desires for your birth plan.  So let me repeat myself...do you have a doula?  She knows your desires, and she'll be at your birth no matter where it takes place.  Oh and did I mention the closest midwifery practice happens to be IN Cranbrook?  So why not be one hundred percent sure of your birth plan? Choose midwifery care, give birth in Cranbrook, and come home without having possibly endured all the unexpected events that rural maternity care seem to impede us with.

May is also mother's day, and...


 

I could choose to write about what becoming a mother has meant in my life, I gave birth to my youngest son on May 10th 2008.  The next day was Mother's day, and that same year eight days later another woman gave birth to her son...but this May also marks one year since two mother's I was working with lost their babies only one week a part.   Their birthdays were May 18th and May 24th.  There is a strange coincidence about the date May 18th.  I use to be a strong believer in manifestation of the negative.  So I simply chose not to discuss unexpected outcomes with women I was working with prenatally. But then I read a birth story that made me re-think this philosophy, and connect with the part of me that is a conscious mama who knows...when my children are not with me I subconsciously worry.  There is a place in my heart that throbs to know they are safe.  It doesn't consume my every thought or direct my every action, but it is there.  Every mother endures this, some mothers cope better than others in the realm of subconscious worries.  The reality is we know that within our children there is a spirit we have no control of.  I think this same level of consciousness should be present in women who are with child.  Don't worry about the possibility of stillbirth, or complications, but respect that the spirit within you is not yours to claim.  You can try to protect it, but you cannot claim it. So what do you do?  You cherish every moment.  This is the essence of motherhood...soaking in the butterflies, hiccups, kicks, cries, laughs, tantrums, milestones hello's and goodbyes.  It's only the moments you can claim as your own.  The story I read that made me think long and hard about what I just said was written in Midwifery Today Spring 2009 N0. 89  by a midwife named Darjee Sahala.  I couldn't find a link to the story, but there is a tragically beautiful slideshow that brings life to her words...BRONA
It was her words, Brona's mother, who made me get my hands on everything I could on the subject of still birth and how to support families through their grief.  It was her words that made me think hard about my own mother, who adopted me after losing two sons. Two- Charles & Andrew Malcolm. I finally asked her to tell me those stories. I hung off her every word...she felt all of the same things that Darjee felt...only decades before. Maybe I would never have asked...maybe I would never have imagined the injustice...My mother...birthing two angels. But I did ask, I did imagine...all because of Brona born an angel May 18th 2008... Little did I know I would use all this information...feel and try and cope with all the grief...precisely two years later. 

Learning to love math...

This morning I called my friend Paul a local physician and anesthesiologist, we talk for a little while and then he says "Hey did I tell you about my brother?..oh Tanya, you're going to love this!"

His brother Carl, father to three children all born at home, read the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG) July 2010 meta-analysis reporting the risk of homebirth, and he just couldn't believe the information could be true. Being a physicist he had the skill to find the study, research how it was performed, and truth be told...find the error!

The thing about Carl is, he didn't just toss this information aside and let the rest of the thousands of readers who had access to this poorly conducted study believe the information. Oh no...Carl wanted the record set straight. I love this guy!

After little success with communication from ACOG, Carl went to the Midwifery Department at UBC. Still, even with the support of a whole University Faculty no response from the journal, ACOG, or the author. Eventually 'Nature' International Weekly Journal of Science picked up the story...
Home Birth Study Investigated
make sure and follow the link to the initial study. To learn more about the man behind the math go here...
Seeking clarity for the toughest decisions of all
Does that just blow your mind? Why is a physicist who has been described to me as a "bug enthusiast" doing more calculations than the authors of this study? I mean come on? Seriously an online statistic calculator? People...just do the math okay...or hire somebody to do it. I know, I know, the error in calculations didn't effect the study enough to change the conclusion. That's not the point. I read the study in July, and it just didn't sit right with me. After reading lot's of arguments for and against the study and still not having the background to do the math for myself I resorted to "it's an American study and I live in Canada" I still believed the findings, and so did a lot of other birth professionals. It looks like I'm going to have to take a few statistics courses...great.
Lastly, I just want to thank Carl for...
being good at math and computer programing,
following through & most importantly...
trusting birth.

Small Business BIG Impact Challenge

Womb To Grow has entered the Small Business BIG Impact Challenge here's the three question's I was asked, and my response to them:

What does your business do to make your community a better place to live?


Womb To Grow Boutique & Support Centre is Fernie's first maternity store and perinatal support centre. I provide products and services that support women throughout their journey to motherhood. This support is having a BIG impact on my community in a number of different ways. Fernie is a rural community seeing a baby boom from 2009 to the present. Accessibility to mother and child friendly products was very limited. Being able to find what you need within town at competitive prices is very important to the residents here. Womb To Grow filled the need. Women come to Womb To Grow looking for maternity wear and leave with what they came to purchase and so much more. I always provide local prenatal resources, free information on birth issues and the advantages of doula supported childbirth. I offer memberships that entitle members to the use of my extensive lending library, as well as classes and workshops from prenatal education to cloth diapering. All of this education stays in the community. If one woman takes a class or workshop, ten or more hear about it, learn from others, or register for the next series themselves. Just like in most areas of life, if not even more so in the realm of motherhood..."Education is Power" Womb To Grow Boutique & Support Centre provides the products my clients want and the services they need.



Why have you chosen to take this approach?

"It takes a village to raise a child." Childbirth lays the foundation of the journey to motherhood. Womb To Grow Boutique & Support Centre maintains that when a woman feels respected and empowered by her birth experience she'll gain strength and determination to ease the, often challenging, transition to motherhood. The benefit lies in the fact that when the mother's of Fernie are empowered and inspired the community thrives! There are many organizations that acknowledge the importance of women and girls to their communities. Womb To Grow is a business that recognizes this importance and chooses to focus on mothers. There are many mother's in the community of Fernie who are inspired to find balance between mothering and professional work. They know the importance of having the right 'tools" to do the job. The average cost of raising a child to age one is 10,000 dollars http://www.ccsd.ca/factsheets/family/. Womb To Grow provides many of the products needed during this time period. Womb To Grow benefits not only an economical level, but also on a social level. I too am a mother in Fernie, and so my strong community of mother's will stand behind me when I say "It takes a village to raise a child."



What advice would you give other business owners who might be considering this idea?

I absolutely believe in this model of business. My advice would be "If you can find a niche that combines products and services that compliment each other and benefit the community, your business will be successful." Even companies who focus mainly on retail should consider providing services that are associated with the products they sell. The idea being when the retail side is slower, the services can help balance the cost of the stock on your shelves. This also works for companies in the service sector. It is a fairly common model, and when combined with issues that strengthen our communities and fuel social change the impact is BIG.

If you believe in the work I'm doing, please consider taking the time to cast a vote at the following link.

http://www.scotiachallenge.projects.fm/entry/4059829-Womb-To-Grow-Boutique-&-Suppor?offset=12&sort=upload+DESC&channel=11067

I'd appreciate it:)

I will keep this blog updated on my results as the challenge continues.

Our Day

It's Women's Day today.  I hope you're celebrating and offering each of our sisters a blessing today.  I've been thinking about our past sisters.  It's bee one hundred years of celebrating a day to call our own.  The significance I take from marking our day is the simple fact that if we can celebrate ourselves and men can join us and acknowledge our celebrations for one day...than really we can celebrate ourselves all the time. My intent is to celebrate being a woman everyday.

Tonight I'm performing at the Arts Station for the International Women's Day Event hosted by the Fernie Women's Resource Centre.  I'll be singing a couple songs and performing spoken werd.  Come and check it out, it's going to be a great event!

Why Midwifery?

Why?

Did you choose midwifery attended childbirth? Why? I finally caught up with my favourite doula. We have been meaning to catch up for a few months and we did it in 15 minutes yesterday afternoon. Why is she my favourite doula you may ask? Because she was my doula! She is the very reason I am on my path. She held my hand in a way that made me believe in myself and I haven't looked back since. Plus...she's a wealth of knowledge and she inspires me to keep going. So the title of this post? Why Midwifery?...my favourite doula lives in Alberta. Alberta has only recently added midwifery to it's Health Care plan. So when I was living in Alberta having my first baby in 2003 and tried to find a midwife to support my homebirth I was quoted $2000.00 for her services. I tried so hard to come up with the money, but in the end I went with a hospital birth attended by a family physician and a doula because I didn't have the cash. So now my favourite doula is a student midwife and working in Alberta. We spoke about midwifery care and the type of women who are seeking the midwifery model. It seems the midwives are attending mostly hospital births and inducing women mostly due to "dates" The women are more concerened about which midwife is going to be at their birth than with what type of birth they are going to try and achieve. They love the longer appointments, and often have been referred by a friend. Many of the women prefer to birth in the hospital "just in case." So why midwifery?
What about the woman who paid out of pocket for her first two homebirths before provincial coverage, who is now considering unassisted birth because her midwife is fully booked the month her third child is due? She's not thinking "just in case." Why Midwifery?
I believe in midwifery. I believe that all women deserve the midwifery model of care no matter where they choose to have their babies, but not if it's not widely available to all women. So far in both Alberta and BC it's not. So what's the solution...more midwives! More hospital based practices, more birth centre practices more homebirth practices, more education! In all of Canada and our 65 Universities there are only 6 midwifery programs. In BC there is 1 Registered Midwife for every 33,704 expectant mothers. In Alberta that statistics jumps up by nearly 40,000 women at an astounding 1 RM for every 73,163 expectant mothers. It's no wonder most women find themselves on a waiting list!
So if you're an expecting mother and you're reading this...I believe you deserve a midwife...but let me ask you this...
Why Midwifery?